Entertaining News Title

As I was walking down the street the other day I happened to stumble upon a newspaper stand. Normally I do not pay too much attention to newspapers yet this definitely grabbed my attention. Maybe its because I am Canadian and I do not understand something.. but last time I checked tying a game 1-1 was considered a tie not a win.

However I do appreciate how it says USA WINS 1-1 and at the bottom it said that they tied. I understand that newspapers and magazines have to do things to grab peoples attention when they are passing by, which they did yet I think they were looking for a result other than me laughing.

Anyways, good luck to all the Football or Soccer teams, maybe USA can win to back up their news paper article that has already been published.

A slice of my day

I woke up and it was gloomy.

My day started out slow and was not going to get any faster, sue me.

I had no clean clothes, laundry pile was looming over me.

Needing a stack of loonies as far as the eye can see.

I set out in the pouring rain, in jeans three sizes to big.

It made me smile because they were not too small, I was not wearing a
wig.

I got soaked on the way to the bank.

Eight loonies was my order, from the teller called Frank.

I got my loonies and continued to the store, my tummy needed some
stuffin'.

Trying to decide between a cheeseburger or some carrot muffins.

I opted for the Muffins because there was 6, however, I would have
preferred seven.

I went for a slurpee, oh thank heaven.

Got home and did some laundry, and then sat on a chair

2 hours later I go to the kitchen to realize I forgot my slurpee was
there.

It had melted Purple and Pepsi

A cry came over me.

A soup in a cup.

I poured it down the drain, bottoms up.

Visible Minority

I have been spending my days lately applying for jobs like a madman.. Oh sorry for all of you politically or sexually correct people I meant to say like a madwoman. There has been a few companies that have asked some really random questions in the application process. It has lead me to wonder why the heck they are asking these questions.

When you start out the process you are supposed to read a really long user agreement that has many paragraphs about what they can and can not do with your information and how they are all "Equal Opportunity Employers" This is nice to see. Near the end of the process it does ask this question which you do not have to answer:

Members of Visible Minorities are persons, other than Aboriginal Peoples, who are non-Caucasian in race or non-white in colour. Do you consider yourself to be a member of a visible minority group?

I am just wondering the point of this, why do they even bother asking? In my opinion if they are a "Equal Opportunity Employer" then it should not matter wether or not you consider yourself a visible minority or not. I mean I was tempted to select yes and then see what happens if they interview. Oh well.. Maybe there is some reason for this that I am not aware of. But personally I think they should take everyones application into consideration without caring what minority, background, religion, race, age, sex as long as they are qualified.

What would you do? For a Klondike Bar.

I remember when I was a child and there were always commercials usually while I was watching The Price is Right on a Pro D Day, or on a day that my Mum would allow me to stay home sick, which let me tell you was quite seldom. One commercial that I still remember were the ones asking me what I would do for a Klondike Bar.

In the past few weeks I have been thinking of what I would do for one since I have walked past a few stores that advertise Klondike Bars on sandwich boards that they display outside of their shady shops. This made me think that the slogan in itself was quite random and humours. I mean I know the things are way overpriced. But I am sure that the MOST that they cost in a Shadily run store where they are probably all freezer burnt due to the overpriced nature of the bars. They probably do not cost any more than four dollars (hopefully less) So really the question is really what would you do for three dollars and seventy five cents. Which for me is nothing really. Maybe I would eat a spicy pepper.. or chew some ABC gum.. But now ask me what I would do for a hundred or a thousand dollars.. and that is a WHOLE other story...

Colour me, Badd

I Wanna Sex You Up. I am sure you have all heard this song, danced to it and sung along to the lyrics. If you are one of those people that actually listen to the lyrics of the songs you listen to and sing (they seem to be few and far between) Then I am sure you too are puzzled by a line that is repeated a few times in this Classic.

"We can do it till we both wake up"

I have always been puzzled by this line. I thought maybe, just maybe there was something I was missing out on. I was thinking, doing it until I wake up maybe it is different than what it seems. I have discussed this very line with friends and they are also confused. I have partaken in such activities where we did it till we both fell asleep. Or there is the times where you have had too many to drink and you may accidentally nod off a few times during the session. Or there are even times where I was so tired that I wonder if it happened or not.

The only possible explanation I can think of for the line "We can do it till we both wake up" is this:

One party is waking the other party with sex. Come on we have all done it. You are lying there awake, having trouble sleeping. Or you were sleeping and woke for some reason. For one reason or another you are feeling rather "randy" and you decide to wake your friend, lover, partner, buddy up.. who at this point is conveniently lying beside you. You are lucky if they sleep naked at this point in your horny-ness. Depending on your Sex, Male of Female there is different ways you could wake the other one up. We wont get into the nitty-gritty here, as I am sure you can all fill in the blanks with your own fantasy.

Oh yeah the point I was getting at... The one awake party in this case would be doing it until the other one woke up. Hence doing it till they both woke up. That is the only rational, and quite frankly intriguing explanation I can think of.

On the other hand I do not want this one line to take away from the rest of the song. I am sure that anyone would enjoy having someone invite them inside, take of their coat and make them feel at home, then pour a glass of wine because they are all alone. Take of all their clothes, disconnect the phone so nobody knows. Don't forget the candle so you can make it better. Followed by sexing them up and rubbing them down. It all sounds so Delicious. But remember whether you are awake or not, be safe, stay clean.

Athena, by Definition

Today upon Facebook Creeping I had noticed many peoples status updates to say something like "Go to UrbanDictionary.com, enter in your first name and put the definition as your status. Normally it is not in my Nature to follow such orders, yet I was interested in what I could find. This is the Urban Definition for my name is:

Athena

A whack or slap with incredible force.
Watch your mouth or I'll Athena you.

I found this quite hysterical and a nice contrast to the regular Goddess of Wisdom definitions one is most common to find upon research of Athena. I wonder if I am like a whack or slap with incredible force? Maybe my personality is as such? I would definitely like to think so. Epic I'll say. One day I will live up to the expectation; the definition ATHENA

New visions, you decide.

We all should be familiar with this story

Twas the Night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads

I will stop it here. I always heard this story Christmas upon Christmas for many years. I have always wondered what Sugar-plums were. It always bothered me that this was what Children typically had a vision of and I thought I was missing out. I went to Dictionary.com to do some investigating. I found out that a Sugarplum is a small sweetmeat made of sugar with various flavoring and coloring ingredients; a bonbon. This made me wonder what a sweetmeat was as well, as it sounded disgusting. I headed back to Dictionary.com to find it was not a meat at all. It is a sweet delicacy, prepared with sugar, honey, or the like, as preserves, candy, or, formerly, cakes or pastry.

I am sad to say that not once have I ever had a vision of a Sugarplum or a Sweetmeat when trying desperately to fall asleep on Christmas Eve. Was I greedy? I am not too sure. I was mostly wishing for a Puppy, Snow and World Peace every year. Once I got a Puppy his name was Snowball. I was afraid of him. He peed on the floor all of the time, I always slipped and fell into it. He ran away three months later on my Birthday. Snowball must have melted because we never got him back. Long story short here I think this story needs to be re written. Yes, I am sure it has been already but I am going to take a stab at it.

It was the night before (Insert your politically correct Holiday here)
come on I know no one says Twas anymore.
When all through the condo
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
No one gets mice in Condos right?
The stockings were hung by the gas fireplace with care
In hopes that Santa Claus would soon be there
that's his cool modern name yes?
The children were nestled all warm in their snuggies
Haha snuggie, why not?
With visions of High Definition Televisions dancing in their heads
what snot nose brat does not want one? Candy is so three centuries ago.

Well that is all I have for now. I will now go to bed and try to dream of some Sweetmeat, you know the sugary delicate type not the manly delicate variety ;)

Bad Romance?

I want your ugly, I want your disease
I want your everything as long as its free
I want your love, love, love, love
I want your love

Don't get me wrong. I do like Lady Gaga and I appreciate her lyrics as many of them are shocking. I tend to like things based on shock value.

With this excerpt from Bad Romance I am just a little unclear. I have never heard of anyone wanting anyone's ugly or their disease. Even more shocking to me is the proceeding line that say As long as its free. I thought Ugly and Disease was what people paid for. Well that is the view out my window anyways. What do I know? Clearly Nothing!

Hahah. Im sure I will have another Lady Gaga inspired moment in the near future

Love, Craigslist Style

Two Words
SPELL CHECK

One Word
IMPORTANT

More than two words
Why do people think that others will want to date them if they can not spell words like Women, love, laugh or coffee?

Just a thought. I peruse Craigslist for entertainment value to see what is out there. Most of the time I am turned off by the spelling errors on the site. I wonder if I am a snob. But no really, spell check is free. My hint to all seeking love out there on the Internet is Spell check. Get a clue.

So it begins

My friend had mentioned that she enjoyed my randomness. I normally just text people when I feel a thought come on. Normally they have nothing to do with anything, and really are about nothing in particular. I thought that I would start writing them here. This way I could look back and maybe try and make some sense of it all. Probably not, because I do not think there is any sense making to be had here but hey why not?